Absolutely. One important tweak to the message: wanting sex is completely normal, including for women—but not wanting sex can also be completely normal. Libido varies enormously with age, relationships, stress, hormones, medications, health, and personality. There isn’t a medically defined amount of sex or desire that everyone “should” have.
Am I Normal? A Peek Inside the Sex Lives of American Men & Women 🔥
By Lucy Dark | After Dark Confessions
Let’s talk about something Americans are surprisingly uncomfortable discussing: SEX.
How often are people actually doing it? How many partners have they had? Are women really thinking about sex as much as men? Is having a high sex drive normal? What about having almost no interest in sex?
And perhaps the biggest question of all:
Am I normal?
Here’s Lucy’s answer:
Probably. 😉
Human sexuality is wonderfully diverse. Some people want sex every day. Some want it once a month. Some love being single and sexually adventurous. Others prefer one deeply intimate relationship. Some people masturbate. Some don’t. Some people have kinky interests. Others couldn’t care less.
There isn’t a magic number that makes you “normal.”
And ladies, let’s throw one outdated idea straight out the window:
Women are sexual beings, too.
Having sexual desire doesn’t make a woman dirty, desperate, promiscuous or “too much.” It makes her human.
But here’s the other side of that coin: not wanting sex doesn’t make a woman—or a man—abnormal either. Libido exists on a spectrum.
So let’s peek behind America’s bedroom door. 🔥
📊 First, Let’s Talk Numbers
One of the most interesting findings comes from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), a nationally representative U.S. study.
Among adults ages 18–49, researchers estimated that people reported penile-vaginal intercourse about 63 times per year in 2009, compared with about 47 times per year in 2018.
That’s roughly:
2009: 1.2 times per week
2018: 0.9 times per week
In other words, the stereotypical idea that Americans are constantly having sex doesn’t exactly match the data.
And remember: an average is not a pprescriptiom.
If you’re having sex twice a week, you’re not automatically “better” than someone having sex twice a month.
👩 Women Want Sex Too. Obviously.
Here’s where society has some catching up to do.
Women have sexual desire.
Women masturbate.
Women fantasize.
And women can want sex without wanting a relationship.
None of that makes a woman abnormal.
Research from the NSSHB found that contemporary American women engage in a wide range of solo and partnered sexual behaviors, although sexual activity generally becomes less frequent with age.
The researchers specifically found that recent masturbation, oral sex and vaginal intercourse were prevalent among women, with patterns varying substantially by age and relationship status.
So if you’ve ever wondered:
«”Is something wrong with me because I actually want sex?”»
Lucy has two words for you:
Nope, babe.
👨 And Men Aren’t All Horny Machines Either
Another stereotype worth retiring?
Men always want sex.
Nope.
Men have different libidos too.
Some men have extremely high sexual desire. Others have relatively little. Stress, depression, relationship problems, aging, medications, health conditions and countless other factors can affect desire.
Research examining American men’s sexual behavior similarly found that men participate in a diverse range of solo and partnered sexual behaviors, with sexual activity becoming less frequent among older age groups.
So if your boyfriend doesn’t want sex every night?
That doesn’t automatically mean he’s not attracted to you.
And if he does?
That doesn’t automatically mean there’s something wrong with him either.
People are complicated. Libido is complicated.–
🔢 How Many Partners Is “Normal”?
Ohhhh, now we’re getting nosy. 😏
According to CDC National Survey of Family Growth data for 2015–2019, among sexually experienced adults ages 25–49, the median number of opposite-sex sexual partners reported over a lifetime was:
Women: 4.3
Men: 6.3
But look at the distribution and things get much more interesting.
Among women:
– 17.7% reported 1 lifetime partner
– 29.2% reported 2–4
– 28.6% reported 5–9
– 11.6% reported 10–14
– 12.9% reported 15 or more
Among men:
– 11.2% reported 1
– 22.3% reported 2–4
– 25.8% reported 5–9
– 12.5% reported 10–14
– 28.3% reported 15 or more
Notice something?
There isn’t one number that defines everybody.
Your number doesn’t determine your worth.
Neither does your partner’s.
💋 And Americans Have More Than One Definition of Sex
Sexuality isn’t simply:
Penis + vagina = sex.
Americans report a much broader sexual repertoire.
Among men and women ages 15–49 in the CDC’s 2017–2019 National Survey of Family Growth:
Oral sex
Approximately 82% of women and 83% of men reported having ever had oral sex with an opposite-sex partner.
Anal sex
Approximately 35% of women and 38% of men reported ever having anal sex with an opposite-sex partner.
And that doesn’t even capture every way people experience intimacy, pleasure and sexuality.
Sexuality is much bigger than one particular act.
❤️ So… How Much Sex Should You Be Having?
Here’s the cheeky answer:
As much—or as little—as works for you and your partner.
There is no official government department sending someone to your bedroom with a clipboard saying:
«”Excuse me, ma’am. You’ve only had sex three times this month.”»
😂
Frequency isn’t the goal.
Connection, pleasure, consent and satisfaction are.
You could have sex every day and still have an unhappy relationship.
You could have sex once a month and have an incredibly intimate, loving relationship.
You could be single and perfectly fulfilled.
You could have a ridiculously high libido.
You could have almost no interest in sex.
Human beings don’t come with identical settings.
🚨 But What If I DON’T Want Sex?
This is where Lucy wants to be very clear.
Not wanting sex isn’t automatically abnormal.
Some people naturally have low sexual desire. Others experience periods of low desire because of stress, exhaustion, relationship difficulties, hormonal changes, medications, mental health, illness, childbirth, menopause or other circumstances.
And some people simply aren’t particularly interested in sex.
That’s okay.
The question isn’t:
“Am I having enough sex?”
A much better question is:
“Am I happy with my sexuality and my level of desire?”
If you’re comfortable with your libido, fantastic.
If your desire suddenly changes, disappears, causes distress, or creates problems in your relationship, that’s worth discussing with a healthcare professional.
🔥 And What If I WANT A LOT OF SEX?
Also normal.
Let’s normalize women saying:
“I have a high sex drive.”
Without the whispers.
Without the judgment.
Without somebody deciding that her sexuality determines her character.
Wanting sex doesn’t make you irresponsible.
Wanting sex doesn’t make you desperate.
Wanting sex doesn’t make you “easy.”
And wanting sex doesn’t mean you owe anybody sex.
Your sexuality belongs to you.
Period.
🧠 The Biggest Myth About “Normal”
Here’s the trap:
We compare our private lives to everybody else’s imaginary highlight reel.
You hear that your friend has sex four times a week.
Someone online claims they’re having mind-blowing sex every night.
A movie makes everyone look permanently horny.
Social media makes everybody’s relationship look perfect.
And suddenly you’re lying in bed thinking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
Probably nothing.
You don’t know what happens behind somebody else’s bedroom door.
And neither do they know what happens behind yours.
💗 Lucy’s Final Word
We spend an absurd amount of time worrying about whether we’re “normal.”
But sexuality isn’t a standardized test.
There isn’t a passing grade.
There isn’t a gold medal for the most sex.
There isn’t a trophy for the fewest partners.
And there definitely isn’t a magical number of orgasms you’re supposed to have by Thursday. 😉
We’re sexual beings—but we’re also individuals.
Want sex? You’re normal.
Don’t want sex? You can be normal too.
Want it often? Fine.
Want it occasionally? Fine.
Want a committed relationship? Wonderful.
Prefer being single? Also fine.
The real goal isn’t becoming “normal.”
It’s becoming comfortable with yourself.
Because confidence starts when you stop apologizing for who you are—and start owning it.
So, are you normal?
Lucy thinks you probably are.
And if you’re still wonderin
Well, that’s what the comments are for. 😈
Check out my shop it’s super sexy!
📚 The Numbers Behind the Bedroom Talk
The statistics in this article draw primarily from the CDC’s National Survey of Family Growth and research from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior.
The CDC reports that among sexually experienced U.S. women and men ages 25–49 in 2015–2019, the median number of opposite-sex lifetime partners was 4.3 for women and 6.3 for men.
Research comparing the 2009 and 2018 NSSHB waves found that estimated penile-vaginal intercourse among adults ages 18–49 declined from 63.2 times per year to 47.0 times per year.
Looking to date? Try my dating smartlink
Looking for a Hookup?
